A gentleman is never afraid to ask a woman what turns her on!

 No matter how athletic, young and good looking, a lot of men have confessed they don’t really know what to do with that panting woman in their arms.  Playing on the ‘you win some, you lose some’ rule, they just play by the ear, leaving their supposed conquests wondering what hit them.  Paul, now in his 30s and a silver-spoon kid confessed that he had beginner’s luck when he first started getting intimate with a woman.

This gave me a false impression of my abilities,” he said.  “At the university, I hooked up with a woman who virtually went to pieces at my slightest touch – she was that besotted with me.  My ego was inflated, and I thought I was God’s gift to women.  When that affair ended and I hooked up with other women, I was puzzled and disappointed that they didn’t experience the same high as my former lover.  In fact if they could talk, most of them would have said: ‘Just finish, I wasn’t going to come anyway…’ by the enthusiasm they showed.  Not only did I feel horribly inadequate, I felt completely frustrate.

What the heck did these women want anyway? I was inside her for goodness sake, I used to scream silently.  Why weren’t the women I bedded immediately clutching at my back and spasming in ecstasy?  I mean we were now in a clinch, with me pumping furiously away, what else was required of me?  Plenty, I later leant that I knew next to nothing about what women really wanted.  As a son of a gynaecologist, my understanding of sex was clinical.  I knew that to make a baby, people had sex together.  I didn’t know where the clitoris was, or the mythical G-spot for that matter, but I did know what I saw in movies – and the movies told me that to take a lady to high heavens, some amount of oral sex was involved.  So, I entered a period where much of my foreplay repertoire consisted of latching myself to a lady’s bits like a hungry baby to its mum’s breast.

“Even with that, the results were mixed.  I learnt from a few bold women what I was doing wrong – like not using my fingers and going too heavy on the tongue!  I didn’t let the criticism bother me though.  I soldiered on until I finally cracked it.  I finally understood what it took to please a lady.  Thanks

to my finally finding the right one.  We both had awkward bedroom fun until we got confident enough to compare notes.  One night, she told me how she liked it, what angles were ‘no’ and which ones made her scream: ‘yes! Yes!’ I was happy she did.”

“So you ladies out there, don’t be too reserved.  Talk to your man.  You tell a waiter how you like your food.  Waiters aren’t mind-readers, and neither is your guy.  Bringing a woman to orgasm makes us men feel unstoppable.  A few months back, I ran into an old girlfriend.  Playfully, I asked her if I could look in on her ‘for old time’s sake.’  Actually, I was expecting her to laugh in my face and tell me what I could do with my tackle.  I was therefore surprised when she said she would be free the next day!  What about the new boyfriend?  I’d heard from mutual friends she was ‘happily’ hooked.  She said I should leave her to worry about that.

“The next day, I was at her place like a flash, clutching a bottle of champagne.  Within minutes, she was all over me and we were soon in the bedroom having wild sex.  Then I remembered a friend telling me I should try other places to have sex in.  So when she went to the bathroom, I was right behind her.  Since then we’ve tried the kitchen, the living room and even the car – though I didn’t find that as comfortable as the others!  She told me she was in love with her boyfriend but he is a pastor’s son and chaste sex was all his upbringing would allow!  I think that’s a load of crap!  With all the shenanigans most of these pastors are always up to with their ‘flock’, this lucky guy must be spoilt for choice about who he should be ‘ministering to!”

“But who was I to complain?  She further confessed no other man had quite rung her bell the way I did!  I felt ten foot tall!  Can you imagine growing from a fumbling, eager-to-please geek to a super-stud!  This escapade with her almost gave me the horrible thought of going after a few exes to top up their sexual needs, but I don’t have the heart to do that.  I quite fancy my steady girlfriend and I would be gutted if she cheated on me.  So, I’m sticking to this bit on the side for as long as I can get away with it.

“So you guys out there, don’t assume that because you’re pumping away, you are a stud.  Your partner is probably more experienced than you are, so ask her to teach you how to please her.  Believe me, the lesson you learn might stand you in good stead with your next conquest.  Happy hunting!”

Most men think they’re great in bed,” observed Jane, a marriage counsellor.  “But much as we love our men, a five minute quickie before lights out really doesn’t get the earth moving!  It’s not that they lack enthusiasm.  They’re just being typical male – always ready for action.  The problem is their technique – most of them don’t have any.  Foreplay is clumsy and hurried, and as for the sex, it’s always wham, bam … was that it?”

Fortunately, all is not lost for these men.  According to Canadian expert Lou Paget, author of How To Be A Great Lover, the key to fabulous sex is foreplay.  A common mistake men make is thinking that the things they enjoy will be pleasurable for their partner too.  For instance, the man who doesn’t like a tongue in his ear is rare, but the women who does like it is rarer.  “For most women, the ‘melt zone’ is the neck.  We go gaga when kissed there.  Another help are sex toys.  The job of a sex toy is to enhance, not take over”.

“Even if you’ve not used toys before, they can add spark to your sex life. But what if your man feels threatened by the stiff competition?  Men should think of a vibrator as being like the TV remote control – they can take charge if you want them to”.  Another problem is finding your partner’s G-spot.  According to Lou, “The G-spot is located inside the vagina entrance, above the pubic bone in the front wall.  If a man imagines your vaginal entrance as a clock, the G-spot is typically at 12 noon.  In order to ‘hit the spot’, the man should use the middle finger in a circular motion.  Another tip is for him to press gently on top of a vagina with his other hand.  This will increase a woman’s pleasure”.  Lou pointed out that it’s not just men who need to re-think their technique.  Women should be willing to expand their bedroom skills too.  First, a woman has to learn how to stimulate her man by hand.

“It is an easy skill to master,” she says.  “For practice, ask your man to raise his two middle fingers in the air.  Grasp the base of his fingers with your thumb facing down.  Next, you need to move your hand up, twisting as if opening a jar, then back down again.  Another tip is for a woman to wrap a bead necklaces round her hand or her partner’s penis before beginning manual stimulation.  He’s bound to love the different texture.”  Lou then gives these tips for couples: kiss each other all over, so that your partner knows exactly how much suction or pressures you prefer on a specific area, demonstrate on their finger or tongue.  Get filthy with food:  Buy your partner’s favourite food and then serve it somewhere you wouldn’t normally – if you get her drift!  List three areas of your body you want attended most.  Don’t make your partner guess what turns you on.  Tell them where and how you want to be touched.  Buy sex book and highlight your preferences.  Pink highlights for you, blue for him.  Then throw down the book on the bed.